Update

“Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.” ~ Groucho Marx

Sorry I’ve been MIA…. This past few weeks have been a whirlwind! Ive made some great new friends F and R and have been hanging out with them a lot…. going to the gym,  going out on the weekends…. its been great! Its nice to have people to hang out with again! I started working, but Im not sure I am going to stay there… It seemed like an environment that I would really like, but once I got into it they seem very unprofessional and thats not ok with me! The have 2 locations and one of them I do like more than the other, but I still dont think its what I want… Plus they are only giving me part time hours and I really can afford that. But, there is a pretty famous stylist that just recently opened a salon here, and he approached me Sat morning while I was at breakfast with F and asked me where I work. So I am going to check out things there and see if that might be a better fit for me. Heres hoping it is, cuz I really dont think the one I am at now is going to work out! Unfortunate, but hey, for the time being its a paycheck and thats better than nothing right??

My birthday is Friday.. Ill be 22, yay me! it funny how as you get older birthdays seem less exciting… or maybe thats just me… Everyone else seems to be more excited about it then I am…. Either way, Im planning on a big weekend… going out with the friends having some family time… should be great! Probably hit the beach too…. If nothing else a birthdays a good excuse to have a ton of fun!

Life is good….

I dont have a ton of time, and I dont really have a lot to say…. Just figured I haven’t posted in a while, and it was time for a quick up-date!

Its warm and sunny… I spent yesterday afternoon lying on the beach with Momma and playing guitar hero with my brothers. I’ve made some great new friends, spending a lot of time with them, and loving every min of it. Started going to the gym on a regular basis… and eating more fruit.

Going in for my 4th interview today…. wish me luck on this…. If they dont make a job offer this afternoon then I am going to have to start searching for another job, and I really dont want that! Though I am not terribly worried about it…. Things look good, and they seem to like me. I guess you can’t blame them for wanting to take the time to make sure its a good fit…. It just odd to me because I have never had to try this hard for a job before. Hopefully they will make the offer today!

Ok, I need some help here….

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”  ~Marylin Monroe

I have been in this town for two weeks and have barely left my house. Its killing me… but whats a girl to do? Young single girl out alone in a town shes not only not familiar with, but probably is unlike to know how to get home in - sounds like the makings of a horror story if you ask me. That or a lonely hermit, and a hermit is one thing I refuse to allow myself to become…. How dreadfully dull! So heres the question… How do you do it? I have never before been in a situation where I didnt have some form of school to fall back on as a form of meeting people. This is all new to me! You would think this whole meeting people would get easier with time, yet somehow the older I get the more of a challenge it seems to be. Theres a lot to be said about the ignorance of childhood, children are always honest, and they just are who they are, then we grow up and lose it all! Im not even really sure that is my issue though, Im well aware that you can never please everyone and it not like I need everyone to like me or anything of the sort, its more that I just don’t really know how to start up a conversation with a complete stranger! Put me in a group with a bunch of strangers and I clam up; and all of this is really quite odd because Im really not a quite person! Why do I suddenly become so painfully shy? So I ask, how does a girl face a new town all alone?

Give it a rest already….

“Today is a winding road that’s taking me to places that I didn’t want to go… I gotta find a way out, maybe theres a way out…” ~ Boys Like Girls

This whole not being able to sleep thing is getting old fast! Like I didn’t already have trouble sleeping in the first place, some asshole decided it would suit him to try to break in to my room and make me afraid to sleep in my own house. Yea, I know that I am in a how different state now, and yes I am well aware that I have my family here, and no one could even being to attempt to break in with out the dogs freaking out… But somehow, when night falls and I am alone in my room… well, all that sensibility goes right out the window, and I dont even want to turn out the lights! The light makes everything seem a little safer, yet makes it that much harder to fall asleep.

And as if that all weren’t enough, last night I had one of the worst migraine I have ever had. Unfortunately, I am very prone to head aches and migraines aren’t really that out of the ordinary for me. But this one was AWFUL!  Your in soo much pain your crying, which only makes it hurt more, but you really cant stop… and you know the only thing that will really help is sleep, but when you hurt like that sleep doesn’t come so easily. And once I finally did fall asleep, it wasn’t long before I was awake again , and throwing up…. Worn out and shaking and not in any less pain I drag myself back to bed, and try to get some sleep. My poor mother was up all night taking care of/worrying about me. Having got little sleep last night, and waking up feeling weak, and still off… the job hunt was put off!

So, tomorrow (even though it seems I wont be getting much sleep tonight either) the job hunt will officially begin. Wish me luck with that… and then its off to the dentist.. Ugh! I hate the dentist! Really though, I hope this whole job thing doesn’t take long. Its been almost 3 weeks since I have worked and its starting to drive me crazy! Honestly, the break for it was really nice at first… But now, Im in a town where I don’t know my way around, I don’t know anyone, and I don’t have an income… Not shaping up very well. Ready to get out there and meet people….

Life in Florida…

“There’s a part in everyday, where I lie to myself and say that it’s okay.” ~ The Spill Canvas

So far so good. I love the gorgeous weather, and being soo close to the beach! Its nice to be with my family again. I have been to the beach a few times, its so nice outside that I usually have my breakfast on the porch, and sit outside reading in the evening. My grandparents are visiting this weekend, and next weekend is my brother birthday, and we are renting a boat and going snorkeling … all of which I am really looking forward too.

But, still a part of me still feels lost and unsettled. I know I have only been here a week, so this all could very easily change given time… Once I find a job and make some friends I am sure things will be better. Having no income sucks royally! But, hey, what cha gonna do? For the time being, I am going to grin and bear it… I know I still have to give this place a chance - I mean of course its not all fabulous yet, I dont actually know anyone here… And while I realize this, I am just sick of this unsettles feeling. Its definitely a welcome change for where I was, and while I have my family, in someways I feel more alone.

I definitely think I did the right thing is coming here… but being somewhere new is hard… and Im kinda shy, which im sure wont help the situation much. Job hunting starts tomorrow… once I get that worked out Im sure things will start looking up. WIsh me luck!

Welcome to the sunshine state

” Don’t grow up too quickly, lest you forget how much you love the beach.” ~Michelle Held

I am safe at home with the family in sunny warm Florida! The drive wasnt too bad… a long 16 hours, but we broke it up into two days so it wasnt too bad! We arrived here at about 5pm last night. I went with my parent to take the dogs running on the beach, our lab loves to swim! Went to a nice family dinner, then me and my brothers went for a walk on the beach that evening. Nothing like the beach at night. I love being able to go out there whenever  I want. In fact , ill be headed out there again once my mom gets home from work. My brothers and I are unloading all my stuff this afternoon, then the beach with mom, and then starting tomorrow I have to start on the job hunt. Shouldn’t be too hard though, a neighbor just can over to tell me how excited she was to have me here…. she loved my moms hair and said everyone on the street is in need of a new hair dresser! It was very sweet. Im here, and I am loving the weather… I was so over being cold! a full week on funny 80 something degree weather! Cant wait… now i just have to get out there and find some friends in the area! Wish me luck!

I feel like an old women…

“We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?” ~Niels Bohr

I should be packing right now, but honestly who likes packing?  Its so easy to get distracted by, well just about anything else! Although with my hip cramping up, its that much harder…. For those of you that dont know I was in a car accident a few years ago, and broke my hip in 3 places. Well, most of the time it doesnt bother me, but its been acting up the past couple days, its been really stiff and such. So, last night I decided to go to body flow (a cross between Thai chi, yoga, and pilates) thinking it might help open up my hip a little… When I do it regularly it really does help, but with going to California, and getting ready to move the past few weeks i kind of let it slip. But anyway, as far as today goes it just made it worse. I feel 80, and really thats just no fun. Stupid hip!

The upside of moving…

“I need to start to be myself, ’cause Im sick of everybody else.” ~ Boys Like Girls

There are no expectations of who or what I am suppose to be. I can go and just be myself, take it or leave it. No  one to make happy except myself. What a freeing feeling. A chance to recreate myself, to be exactly who and what I want to be. No people pleasing this time around… Im me take it or leaving it. Its time to worry about what I want… Its my life, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of it!

Four days till I move, and I dont think I could be more ready! I mean I still have a ton to do… packing, sorting , organizing… but Im so ready to the new start, for the change of pace. For the sunny beach, which is exactly where Ill be spending the majority of my off time… This is gonna be good…

Lost in thought… (Rant on close mindedness)

” To be alone is to be different, to be different is to be alone.” ~ Suzanne Gordon

Have you ever been surrounded  by people, yet somehow manage to feel completely alone. This is what I have felt for a while now. I think a large part of it is the need to escape the place I am now. The need to moving on with my life, and find a place that I feel at home. A place that I enjoy being, that awakens your senses and your passion for life. I am a passionate person, yet, living in a small-minded town with little to no diversity I fear I have lost this passion. I must find it again. The joy in the little things, the ability to wake up happy, feeling complete… these are the thing I miss and long to find again. I feel suffocated by others fear of whats different from them. I want to scream as others try to push there beliefs on me, on others. The world is a huge place, there are so many different cultures, different places, different ways of life… and who know, maybe your right, maybe yours is the only way… but I in my heart cannot wrap my head around the idea that in a world full of options there is only one path. Few things bother me a much as people view a simple difference of opinions , a different set of beliefs and ignorant. Just because I dont agree with you does not by any means that I am uneducated. And who are you to tell me I am wrong. I am happy for you that you are so strong in your beliefs.. that must be a wonderful feeling, but what kinda of person does it make you to be looking down on those who dont share it? What makes you so wonderful, that you can weigh the value and worth of another beliefs? How are anyones reason (what every they may be) an less valid that yours? As long as no one is being hurt, why is a different view so threating? Why are people so afraid of different… why cant we learn to love and embrace, and at the very least accept and tolerate those who are different.  What a boring world  it would be if we were all the same.  Purple hair or not I am still a person, and no matter what label I choose to give my beliefs, I am still a good caring person. And in the end isn’t that what truly matters? Why does there have to be a label or grouping for everything? Why cant we just be?

Ok, yes I know… this is just how people are.. but it is so sad that it has to be this way. Yes, we have some far… but there is still so much farther to go… I long for the day that I can walk out my door and live my life, speak my opinions and not be judged for them… You don’t have to agree with me, in fact I would want everyone to always agree - again that would be rather boring - but cant we just agree to disagree and move on with our lifes no judgment involved?

I guess, I just dont want to feel so alone… Im hoping this move will be that start of the much needed change in my life… 5 days to go, and I’ll be on my way to starting over…

Ive never been so scared in my life….

” No passion so effectively robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.” ~Edmund Burke

Thursday night was by far the most terrifying night of my life. My apartment has a lot of doors and windows… there is a door from the porch into my bedroom and one into the living room. There is also an outside entrance into my roommates room. I love how it lets the light in and feels so open… and it made moving really easy… But I will NEVER live and an apartment like this again!

Thursday night 11:30 - my roommate is working late, I go to bed.

12:15 - I wake up to the sound of a door nob turning… my eyes shoot open and I lay still hardly breathing staring at my door.  The shadow of a large man moves from my door to the living room door and back again, attempting once again to open my door… I panic! My heart races! I rip my phone of the charger and run to my roommates room to see if she is home yet… I make it half way there before my phone rings… my roommate

roommate: Where are you?

me: in the apartment, where are you?

roommate: Im outside

me: oh thank god! I though…

roommate (interrupting me): no, you don’t understand, there is someone at our door…

me: SHIT! thats what I thought… Oh my god.. what do we do?

roommate: Im going to see if i can scare him away…

turns out my roommate had parked and got about 6 feet from the door when she saw the man, and returned to her car to call me… after the above conversation while still on the phone with me, she pulls her car around , the man ducks down as if trying to hide… she begins honking and flashing her light and the man runs away… We call the police, then I call her again and stay on the phone with her until the police arrive (she was instructed to stay in her car until the police arrived).  I fall to the floor shaking and crying until I hear roommate and police man at the door.

Needless to say we didnt sleep that night… after work friday we went out and purchased baseball bats, pepper spray, and alarms for all our doors… We feel safer now, but its still hard to sleep… We have both been sleeping on the couch in the living room, baseball bats and mase near by.

I am so happy that I will only be here 12 more days… I worry about my roommate, and hope she can find someone to stay with her until she finds another roommate or as least can move to a new place.

I have never experienced fear like that in my life, not when I was in a car accident the almost took my life, not when I woke to my house on fire… Nothing compares to the fear I felt that night! thank god someone was looking out for us that night! I guess I am just going to spend the next 12 days of my life sleep deprived and looking behind me every other step…

I wonder how long until I feel normal again….